I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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