it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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