i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize