Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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