The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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