Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
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if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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