So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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