I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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