Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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