i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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