I'm lost and stupid without you.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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