never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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