There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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