This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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