My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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