Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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