I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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