my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
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My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
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things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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