My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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