i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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