i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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