I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
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