maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
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id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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