My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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