So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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