Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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