i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
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Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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