How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My ass is underappreciated
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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