Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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