I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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