You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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