Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
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And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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