Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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