he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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