Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize