How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize