My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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