she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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