Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize