i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize