Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize