Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize