We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
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I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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