he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize