It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize