Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize