the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize