So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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