If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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