Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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